Sox Superlatives

In the spirit of graduation and yearbook season (congrats Hebron, Trinity, and Kennett Classes of 2009!), I decided to write up a list of Red Sox superlatives, based on their respective seasons thus far. This has the added bonus of getting me out of talking about today's debacle of a game. Here goes:

Field Players:

Best Facial Hair: Kevin Youkilis
Mark Kotsay might be upset about this one, but how can you argue with a beard that has it's own Twitter account and YouTube videos? Youk's goatee is one of the most recognizable physical features of the team, and it would be remiss of me not to recognize its magnificence.


Most Confident: Dustin Pedroia
Another no-brainer. Have you ever seen a ballplayer with more swagger than the Sox second-baseman? You just know Pedroia spent the entire game trying to convince Tito to put him in, despite the 0-for7 night he recently had, which qualifies as a slump for the feisty #15. Add in that ad he recorded for MLB 09: The Show, and Pedey is dangerously close to bypassing confident and embracing arrogant... but I love it.

Most Likely to Overcome Adversity: Nick Green
You just can't root against Green. He had to have been third or even fourth on the Sox depth chart at short coming into Spring Training, and all of a sudden, Lugo needs knee surgery, and Lowrie needs wrist surgery. Green fills in adequately, and when Lugo returns, steps it up a notch. I can't be the only one disappointed when BooHoolio Lugo plays at short over Green, can I?


Most Respected: Mike Lowell
Face it, Mikey just looks like an elder statesman. At the tender age of 35, Lowell has that salt-and-pepper hair and beard combination that every successful diplomat needs, as well as the coveted ability to speak fluently in both English and Spanish. Add that to the fact that he has an inspirational life story, and the man just cannot be insulted. (READ HIS BOOK!)


Biggest Baby: Julio Lugo
Lugo has done several media interviews lately where he laments he lack of playing time, and admits to being upset over the fact that he is constantly lambasted by fans and reporters alike. This just in, BooHoolio, but if they didn't care about harmony in the clubhouse, your pitching staff would have given you an atomic wedgie, followed by a stern talking-too from Wake, complete with interjections of profanity from Beckett. But, yes, Lugo, we feel your pain: you're not good enough to play everyday, yet you're being paid like Nomar in his heyday... Boo-freakin'-hoo.

Most Resilient: Jason Varitek
The Captain has enjoyed an impressive renaissance, at least at the plate, and it appears that he is trying his darnedest to prove those naysayers wrong. To his credit, Varitek doesn't like to talk about his new found successes with the bat, and prefers to emphasize his work with the pitching staff. If anyone will end his career in Boston (beside Tim Wakefield), it should be Jason Varitek... But with his agent, who knows?

Most Popular: David Ortiz
Have Boston fans ever supported a player as unconditionally as they have supported Big Papi this season? After 2004, many fans feel as though they owe their sanity to good old #34, and they may very well be right. Despite the hellacious slump endured by the slugger this season, the fans have stood by him. Are the curtain calls after each home run ridiculous and slightly embarrassing? Absolutely, but I've had the privilege of being present on two such occasions this year, and I was proud both times to be part of such a supportive fan base.

Least Disruptive: George Kottaras
Georgie is the perfect back up catcher: he can catch Wake, is passably good looking, and doesn't make waves in the clubhouse. Think about it. You never see or hear about Kottaras on days he isn't catching, and even when he is, he is so dependable - yet not outstanding - that you think about him only when he does something unexpected, like hit a home run. His passed balls are minimal, and he seems to do well with Wakefield. Plus, Theo can pay him league-minimum. A match made in heaven, I'd say.

Best Looking: Jacoby Ellsbury
Duh. And it's precisely why I won't get a #46 shirt. Last time I was at Fenway, I sat in front of the type of fans I LOATHE. Two girls who knew next to nothing about baseball ("What happens if there's a tie at the end?"), who insisted they should have "pregamed" harder before the game, and who were, inevitably, wearing Ellsbury jerseys. Ellsbury was not even in the lineup, and hadn't been for two days. They fretted about him for a good three innings, before becoming too drunk to care. Jacoby is a good young player, but girls like that make me want to permanently disfigure him so they'll stop coming to games.

Least Likely to Show Emotion: JD Drew
JD has to be the most even-keeled human being EVER. Strikeout? Grand slam in the playoffs? Same blank expression. I referred to him as "No Feelings Drew" on Twitter the other night, and someone replied to me and told me that she had gone to college with JD, and that he was a really nice guy. I'm sure he is, but even if he hated you, you'd never know it, because his facial expression never changes. Ever. If he didn't injure himself so often, I'd swear he was an android.

Most Fragile: Rocco Baldelli
Not his fault, but Rocco isn't exactly Cal Ripken, Jr. Rocco cannot play more than two days in a row, and manages to have sore/strained muscles more often than not. However, if he can make catches like he did during the third game of the last Yankees' series every time he plays, he can have all the off time he wants.


Favorite Exchange Student: Jason Bay
Jason Bay came over at the trade deadline last year, and it's been a honeymoon ever since. Bay is everything you could want in a left fielder, except for possibly the extreme paleness of his skin. I think he might blind the opposing pitchers with his whiteness. Runner up superlative for Bay? Most SPF Needy.

Most Versatile: Mark Kotsay
Beyond playing all three outfield position and wielding a more than adequate lefthanded bat, he can hold down first base, as we saw last year during the playoffs. He also is a great clubhouse guy, according to the Skipper, and could rival JD Drew for best monotone during interviews. Our male readers know that he has a good looking wife. All in all, Kotsay does well for himself, on and off the field. Runner up superlative: Best looking family.


Tomorrow: the pitching staff.

The Epic-ness of Jon Lester

Now THAT was the Jon Lester I expected to see this season... none of that fifth inning implosion shenanigans. As far as games I've been to, that one definitely ranks first in epic pitching... however in terms of excitement at the end, it has to fall short of Game 5 of the 2008 ALCS. After Game 5, random strangers were embracing in the streets of Boston. Had Lester not given up that double to Young, I have no doubt that Fenway had the potential to become a giant raucous party.

And why did said party not happen? I think I know. In the top of the seventh inning, with one out, a twenty-something girl across the aisle from me said the words that you must never utter during a perfect game bid: "He's like, throwing a, what's it called? No-hitter?" Now, those of us who had heard her immediately stood up and chastised her - she had made this announcement at a high (beer aided) volume, and around twenty people had clearly heard her. Sure enough, the very next batter was Young, who bashed a no-doubt double into the gap in left-center. Those of us who know better stood up and pointed at her... the girl got angry.

"Why," she demanded, "are they pointing at me?! It's not like it's my fault!" Deep down, we all knew that she was technically correct: one fan's words do not affect the outcome of a game, but come on. At the time, everyone at Fenway was witnessing history. Obviously the young woman who made such a boneheaded pronouncement had no grasp of - or respect for - baseball traditions. The guy in front of me decided that there was probably a pink hat within her group. There wasn't, and I don't hold with that stereotype, but when the four of them got up to leave (in the eighth inning), I counted one sparkly hat, one baby blue hat, three Ellsbury shirts, and one rhinestoned Boston tanktop. I also glanced over at the space where they were sitting, and estimated that the four young women had consumed upwards of twenty beers.

Girls like that are the reason I do not own an Ellsbury shirt. Youkilis? Yep. Varitek? Of course. Pedroia? I have three. But until Ellsbury is slightly less attractive to the drunken obnoxious bandwagon fans, or until his performance is so improved that I can't justify this boycott, I will not buy a #46 shirt. (One of the more impressive performances I saw last night was Jacoby actually taking a walk.)

Most of the fans at the park last night were excellent examples of the Red Sox faithful: after Ortiz's dinger, we chanted "Papi! Papi!" until the big man came out for a curtain call. Sox fans will never turn on David Ortiz, and I am so very proud of this fact.

All in all, last night was the best time I've had since my summer vacation started, even though my mother and I got lost for an hour after the game and didn't get home until 1:30am. Six and one third perfect innings, and a two hit complete game from Lester; two hits, including a homerun, by Big Papi; a Mikey Lowell jack; and an actual WALK by Ellsbury (this was probably the most unexpected event of the night for me).

Finally, I should apologize for being so atrocious at updating lately. I know there's no excuse, but I've been working full-time as a one on one aide at an elementary school, and my student is exhausting. However, I promise to be better.

Oh Papi...

Okay. So that was a tough loss. But there were lots of pretty awesome things within the tough loss. First of all, who was that wearing #23, and what have they done with Julio Lugo? Secondly, may we keep the replacement? In all seriousness, Lugo notched five hits, including a double and a run scored. The best part of his performance? A leaping grab of a liner accompanied by a zero in the errors column.

Dustin Pedroia made a leaping catch of his own, and also collected four hits. Pedey is hitting .336 on the season. The downside of the second baseman's day came in extra innings, when he struck out with the bases loaded on a foul tip into the catchers mitt. Having seen the collection of items he slammed around in the dugout, I can only imagine the colorful language he treated the bench crew to. In years past, his anxiety might have been tempered somewhat by the fact that Big Papi hits behind him. Not so this year, as Ortiz is still waiting for his first homerun of 2009. David Ortiz set an AL record and matched an MLB record today, but unfortunately the category has limited glory: twelve men left on base by a single player in a single game. Ouch.

Obviously something is not right. I would like to give Ortiz the benefit of the doubt just a little longer. I can accept that Papi will probably never be his old self, but I would like for him to at least hit his weight. He is the absolute last person I want at the plate right now with the game on the line. (My list, if you're interested, goes Bay, Youk, Pedroia, Drew, Lowell, Varitek, Van Every... Pesky, Ortiz.) There's been some speculation, since the Manny bombshell, that Ortiz was a user, and now that he's stopped, his production has, too. Of course, there have always been whisperings, but now that quiet minority has become a mob, brandishing their pitchforks and demanding blood. David Ortiz has never been connected to steroids, has never tested positive for any PED, but, contrary to American ideals, the perception seems to be that he's guilty (by Manny association) until proven innocent.

It appalls me that Red Sox fans could behave this way. I understand that there is no proof either way, and the circumstancial evidence looks rather damning. However, I say Ortiz deserves our support until there is irrefutable evidence that he did something wrong. Sure, the man looks like a shell of himself (0-for-7 tonight), barely above the Mendoza line, but he was the hero of that magical run in 2004. How can people turn on him like this? Of course, if/when he snaps out of this, he'll have to prove his effectiveness all over again. But he deserves a chance to prove himself, and to clear his name.

Five Minute Musings

I've been really bad about updating the last few days. My apologies, I made my trek home from Hartford Friday, went to the Sox game Saturday (more on that in a second), did the whole Mother's Day thing Sunday, and went to the doctor's yesterday. Today, I have a meeting with a stockbroker (seriously), but I figured I should squeeze in time to write. This edition of FMM will center around ballpark etiquette, paritcularly the bad behavior I noted during my trip on Saturday.

1.) Don't drink to excess, especially at a day game. Saturday's start time was 3:40, sort of an awkward half day/half night game dictated by those idiots over at FOX. Beyond the usual idocy of having a beer an inning (that adds up to around $60), I was sitting in an alcohol free section, and a set of parents with their children were asked to leave with their drinks, so they left their 8ish-year-old children sitting alone while they went off to finish boozing. Keeping it classy.

2.) Don't boo the Red Sox players. Julio Lugo really got it hard on Saturday, as most of the Tampa Bay hits in their big inning found holes on his side of the diamond. In all fairness, there was at least one that should have been an out, but he deserves the support of the fans regardless. When you support the Red Sox, you support all of them, through the bad times and the good. Sure it's fine to pick favorites (I sure do), but booing your own player makes you look no better then a fairweather fan... and if you're a fairweather fan, stop taking up seats at Fenway so the real fans can get in.

3.) Keep your cellphone conversations short, or go talk in the concourse. I didn't pay these obscene ticket prices so I could hear you gush about little Johnny's fist word. Is there really no better time you can think of to talk to your mother in law than in the third inning with two on and nobody out? There was this one really obnoxious girl behind me on Saturday who spent a good two innings on the phone catching up on gossip with her girlfriends, screeching and yelling and giggling at the top of her voice. Don't be that girl.

4.)Don't scream obscenities - be more creative! There was one man on Saturday who was absolutely vulgar, especially towards Mr. Lugo (I think he had also been violating #1). There are children at the games, and beyond that, spouting swear words makes Sox fans look ignorant of the game. Lambast BJ Upton about his dismal OBP, not about what his mother may or may not have been doing last night, and the heckling is rather more acceptable.

5.) Try to limit your bathroom/snack/phone breaks. No one likes having to stand up and have you squeezeby them in those crowded rows at Fenway. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to the bathroom, but maybe if you had 2 beers instead of 4, you wouldn't have to get up every half-inning. Also, most food in the concouses is available from the vendors walking around. One to three times is expected (though I try not to leave at all - I don't like to miss anything!!), but more than four or five is really annoying.

There you have it - my Fenway Five. We all pay ridiculous amounts of money to be at the park, and it's a shame when someone else ruins your experience. Even a blowout like Saturday's can be fun if you decide it will be... heck, we got to witness Julio Lugo's first homerun of the season!

JD will never be a Dirt Dog

So as I was studying for my last final reading the morning's Red Sox news I stumbled upon some comments about JD Drew.  Now, I know JD can be infuriating, especially in the injury department, but the disparaging remarks are getting old.  I actually saw a commenter who intimated that Drew "will never be a Trot Nixon."  What!?  Don't get me wrong, I like Nixon as much as the next fan, but across the board his stats are inferior to Drew's.  Nixon made it look like he was the much superior fielder, but mostly because of his style: he threw himself around the field with reckless abandon.  However, just because Drew lacks the weakness for theatrics does not mean he is an inferior ballplayer.

Yes, we're probably paying Drew too much money, as he is currently the highest paid player on the team, with a 2009 salary of $14 million.  But before you grab the torches and pitchforks, you might want to check who comes in second, with $13 million.  Yes, David Oritz is earning money way above his value so far.  In fact, among the top 10 highest earners, two are on the DL (Matsuzaka [$8.3m] and Smoltz [$5.5m]), a third is coming off knee surgery (Lugo [$9.2m]),and  the two (healthy) pitchers are underachieving for their prior standard (Beckett [$11.1m] and Paps [$6.2m].  The only players on the top 10 list who are performing where their salary should place them are Jason Bay [$7.8m], and Kevin Youkilis [$6.2m].

Now, both Bay and Youk are in fact performing above and beyond their tax bracket, but that begs the question: what is the market for average+ ballplayers?  This is precisely the problem that the Sox front office had in its talks with Jason Bay.  Bay is absolutely an elite player, and the market for elite players has been rather confusing in the past year.  Bobby Abreu signed with the Angels for $5m.  Milton Bradley signed for $10m. We all know how Manny ended up, and his stats are eerily similar to Bay's.

So what does all of this have to do with JD Drew?  It's just an excercise in reality.  When we signed JD, the market was different than it is now, and Theo inked his deal knowing very well that Drew would average 130 games a year due to his balky back.  Remember Drew's Grand slam in the 2007 ALCS?  I don't remember hearing much Drew-bashing that night.  The inimitable Chad Finn called Drew "usually one bloodless sucker in the clutch," and it's true.  Drew may have no feelings (ever.), but he comes through when it matters, and I'd rather have the results than the bravado.  So what if he didn't get a hit in last night's slugfest? He didn't need to.  If it's all the same, I'm a-okay with Drew saving the heroics until Nick Green and Jeff Bailey can't carry the offense anymore.

The man in this picture actually looks excited... Who are you and what have you done with JD Drew?!?

Quote of the Day (Oh, Manny)

Today's quote in not by a Red Sox player, nor is about about a Sox player... at least a current one.  Everyone knows about Manny by now, so I'll spare you all of that.  Suffice to say, this quote is by Ken Rosenthal, and is about Manny being Manny.

"As if there was any doubt, he is now the village idiot of baseball."

We all know Manny is somewhat of a savant: a genius at hitting, but somewhat clueless (I suspect intentionally) about most everything else.  I for one don't think this is good news, and I don't understand the Red Sox fans who are rejoicing.  Maybe I'm weird; I didn't exactly dance in the streets when A-Rod was outed either, even though Rodriguez was already so easy to hate.  I'm sick of hearing about how my childhood heroes are cheaters.  It's like finding out that the toothfairy doesn't floss or that Santa Claus is an anti-Semite.  No one likes hearing those things... they just hurt.  

For every new name in the headlines, the game takes a little more damage, something MLB doesn't really need in this economic climate, and, quite frankly, a phenomenon that I could do without.  Baseball has been a really good coping mechanism for me: if I'm having a bad day, I like to watch/listen to/write about/obsess over the Red Sox.  Any of my friends will tell you that I have an unhealthy obsession with this team, and with the sport in general, but in reality, baseball has helped me keep my sanity.  The last few years of my life have been filled with bad news, disappointments, and general misfortune.  Don't get me wrong, good things have happened too, and I appreciate every one of them, but the Red Sox have gotten me through a lot of bad times.  You can understand then why this blow to the game saddens me.  

I won't pretend that I never liked Manny, because he endeared himself to all of us before it turned bad.  However, he was not my favorite.  My favorite players have been those who aren't the prototypical slugger (currently Pedroia, obviously).  That's not to say I don't like the other players, because I do.  I feel reasonably secure that my current favorite won't break my heart (unless male-patterned baldness is a sign of PED use...?), but this news cuts pretty deep, for the simple reason that Manny was a stalwart in the Sox lineup all those summers.  Manny was a large part of my baseball obsession, because he was a large part of the Red Sox.  So I for one hope he's telling the truth, because I would much rather keep my current opinion of Manny being Idiotic than have to switch that to Manny being a Cheater.

Stop talking to A-Rod, it can only end badly... STOP IT!

Quote of the Day

First, the explanation: Jason Bay is a ninja/superhero.

Impossible! You say Jason Bay is Canadian, one of our gentle neighbors to the north.  But what better secret identity than the son of a smelter worker in Trail, British Columbia?  If you've seen the new X-Men: Origins film, then you know there's no better alter ego than a Canadian... Sure, Wolverine went for the whole "lumberjack" thing, but Jason Bay doesn't like flannel.

Hugh Jackman likes flannel... and being a lumberjack.

Jason Bay knows it's easier to keep his cover at home in Canada, and it was MUCH easier in Pittsburgh (none of my friends from Pittsburgh understand why baseball is fun... I pity them).  In Boston, Bay has to take sneaky to a whole new level.  For instance, he asked Tito to bat him low in the order so people wouldn't see his conspicuous super strength in the cleanup spot; unfortunately, Youk couldn't go last night, so Super-Bay stepped in.  BAM! Three run homer.  

Even though Boston Red Sox fans would accept Bay's super powers, he still has to hide them, garnering this quote, concerning stealing bases:

"I didn't run one time in Spring Training.  I didn't want to blow my cover."

Jason Bay is a phenomenal base stealer, at least percentage wise.  I for one am convinced that the only reason he doesn't leave Jacoby in the dust every year is respect for the young man's ego coupled with the realization that being a super hero just leads to brawls with jealous Yankees fans.  Jason Bay doesn't want to hurt anyone... Except maybe Joba Chamberlain, and that is one fight I would LOVE to see.

Jason Bay will see your HBP and raise you a three-run homer... Oh, and invisibility, he can do that, too.

(Just want to clarify that all quotes on this blog are collected from other sites, because I don't have the necessary credentials to get into the Sox locker room... and even if I did, it's finals week.  I'm clearly very busy studying.  This quote was found on WEEI.com)